Friday, October 14, 2011

A Good Dog Story -- NOT

I just picked up Teddy and Rex from my partner Shelly. She is going away for the weekend so I am dog sitting the two fosters she has. Teddy is great in the car so I didn't crate him. Rex gets motion sickness so I did crate him.

I had my boyfriend's car. 

I'm driving home, which is about a half hour or so from where Shelly and I met to exchange the dogs. All is well. I thought maybe Rex was shaking but I couldn't see him. (It ends up he just slept and didn't puke) Teddy was being a good boy and was laying on the back seat. He had bunched up the toweling I had on the seat for him prior to take off and he was all comfy.

Until he threw up on the seat. A LOT.

Did I mention it's my boyfriend's car? 

I pulled over and cleaned it up as best I could. I had thought I would clean the upholstery in the car this weekend if I had some extra time...extra time has now been made. 

We continue on. After a few minutes I see Teddy is restless. I'm on the highway. Teddy is restless. If you are a dog owner you know what this means, don't you? He's either going to throw up again, pee or poop. 

I looked back and he was squatting. I could only imagine that he was peeing because Shelly told me he is a squatter. Then the truth was known. He took a big nicely formed but, of course, soft enough to stick to the upholstery, shit. I was on the highway. I could not pull over.  I start my rant. Not yelling at him, more just blurting out one of my favorite sayings. "OH MY ACHING ASS" then added, "REALLY?" "YOU'RE KIDDING ME!" I think I said it four or five times with grunts and groans in there. I was dying inside. 

Did I mention it's my boyfriend's car? 

It stunk. He felt bad, tried to avoid the pile which I thought he was successful at, but quick backward glances don't always tell the truth. I was afraid he might step or sit in it so I called him to the front seat. BIG MISTAKE. Shit was on his foot and it smeared on the side of the passenger seat, then it smeared on the seat itself as he was making himself comfortable. I told him to just sit. Please, just sit. And, because he has been trained well by his former owner, that's what he did. I could see poop had gotten onto his foot, between his toes and stuck to his fur. NICE. 

Needless to say, when I got home the scrubbing began. If it wasn't raining in these parts, the upholstery cleaner would have been pulled out and put to work. Instead, hot soapy water was put into action with baking soda piled onto the wet spots. 

I told you it's my boyfriend's car, right?

Add insult to injury, I'm trying to get the toweling, a couple small bags of leftovers, the bucket and my mail into the house. A towel falls, I bend over to pick it up and the shit water spills down my thigh. Oh my aching ass. 

UPDATE: Teddy was adopted Oct. 15 and has a new older canine sister Schnauzer, Stella.


  1. LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL!
    I'm not laughing AT you,
    but WITH you.
    We might have different stories but we sometimes live the same lives. love them, you love them, you love them

  2. Oh my goodness. I am sorry Denise, but I am here laughing my ass off. I can hear your voice perfectly clear "Are you Kidding me?" and your classic "Oh my aching ass." You have made my day complete.

  3. Jennifer -- well spoken.
    Cindi -- I KNOW you totally get it.
    and Angela -- glad I could help you out there. Brat.


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