Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Dear vintage Vitamix,

Oh, how I have adored you. It was a tremendously difficult decision to let you go. I love your look, your all metal construction, the hard work you've done for me over the years, but alas, I must move on, I was seduced by another. More muscular, stronger, faster. I couldn't help myself, I went to see it perform and I was smitten, (plus, it came with an extra pitcher for free and an extra year of warranty)...I could not pass it by. I was going to keep you on the side, as you are far better looking, but I cannot be a mistress of two, I am not capable of such disloyalty.

It breaks my heart, but you must go, another will find you and you will be loved again.

Ahhhh, my new love...

You have proven yourself to me time and time again, even though I've known you for such a short while. You are the best Christmas gift. Your swiftness and abilities have swept me off my feet, and I am better for it. I am glowing from the nectar of your cup. I was not being satisfied fully by 'the other' and you have filled me completely.

I think we will have a long, beautiful life together.